Dead and Delicious
Release Date: July 17, 2017
Two zombies and one skeleton on a road trip to Vegas to kill a witch, stop an apocalypse, and rescue their friends from the belly of a shadow dragon.
Nothing weird about that.
Five things I learned while being a fallen angel zombie:
1. Duct tape works better than embalming.
2. Alopecia is not my favorite hairstyle.
3. Fried demons smell like bacon.
4. This brain breath is affecting my love life.
5. Nothing ruins a honeymoon like an apocalypse.
I turned at the sound of a familiar nasally whine. Dear Lord in heaven, it couldn’t be. But it was. Travis Jones, aka my jerk ex-boyfriend, who’d left me for our chain-smoking cougar law professor.
I flashed a forced smile. “Oh, hey, Travis. Long time no see.”
“It talks.” His skanky sugar mama, displaying the latest desperately-clinging-to-youth fashion, camel-toe skinny jeans, a frilly little girl top, and suede stiletto boots, gaped at me as if I was the one with a crotch gap the size of the Grand Canyon.
“Of course I talk.” I jutted a stiff fist on my hip. “I’m undead, not brain dead.” I took a step forward, scowling at the basket Travis clutched in his bony fingers. “The world is ending, and you take alcohol, condoms, and cigarettes?”
Travis grabbed a champagne bottle out of his basket, aiming it at me like he was wielding a baseball bat. “Don’t come any closer.”
“Thanks.” I lunged forward, snatching the bottle out of his hands. No surprise, he didn’t put up a fight. I’d forgotten how puny his arms were. I was so used to Aedan’s meaty biceps that Travis’s toothpicks, sticking out of his T-shirt, made him look like an elementary schoolboy compared to my husband. I waved the bottle in Travis’s face, laughing under my breath as his eyes followed the movement like Pavlov’s dog. “It’s our wedding day, and we haven’t celebrated yet.”
Travis stepped back, quaking like he was mid-seizure. “Y-you’re married?”
“Yes.” I nodded at Aedan, who placed a hand on my shoulder. “This is my husband, Aedan O’Connor. He’s a grim reaper.” I smiled up at my handsome groom. “Aedan, this is Travis, my ex-boyfriend.”
Aedan didn’t utter a word. He didn’t have to. The look he shot Travis said it all.
“Um, hi,” Travis squeaked.
Aedan nodded at the skank, who needed to touch up her gray roots and remove the fake mole that looked like a tick was eating her face. “Travis, you and your mother need to find shelter. It’s going to get ugly.”
Mrs. Cougar Club actually had the nerve to gasp. “I’m not his mother!” She stomped a heel on the polished concrete, the sound ricocheting to the rafters.
My attention was drawn to the nasty creature with what appeared to be a dislocated jaw. That didn’t seem to deter his mission as he hobbled toward Travis, blood and drool hanging down his chin. The poor guy’s arm had fallen out of the socket, and he didn’t have any duct tape. I almost felt sorry for him.
“There’s a zombie behind you,” I said casually, as if I was warning Travis the zipper shielding his three-inch pecker was down.
Travis spun around, screamed like a little girl, and jumped behind his girlfriend.
“Oh, Travis. What did I ever see in you?” I heaved an overly-dramatic sigh and set the champagne bottle on a display. I wasn’t in the mood for alcohol, anyway, unless it was spiked with blood and brains.
“Step aside,” Aedan grumbled, pushing Travis before slicing off the zombie’s head.
I laughed when the head rolled in front of Travis and his girlfriend. Mrs. Cougar didn’t think it was too funny, though. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and she slumped to the floor. Travis didn’t even try to catch her.
I tossed Travis a scowl before thumbing at Aedan. “That is how real men kill zombies. Grow a set.”
I was a little too stiff to turn on my heel and sashay away, so I did the next best thing. I let out a rancid burp, blowing rotten squirrel and bloody beef breath at Travis, smiling when his pale face turned a diaper-doo green. Then I turned, looped an arm through Aedan’s, and walked away. Damn, that had felt good.
Aedan stopped me as we came to the broken glass doors. “Hang on. You have another maggot.”
He wiped my eye. No wonder it had been itching me. I figured it was seasonal allergies, but no, just another worm. “Thanks, honey.” I beamed up at my big, strong hero. “I feel bad making you pick off all my maggots.”
“For better or for worse,” he said with a wink, looking sexier than should be legal as he leaned against his scythe, scanning the outside. “Remember?”
“Of course I remember.” I stood on stiff toes and kissed his cheek. “And you’ve already proven that ten times over.”
He reached for my hand. “I’ll keep proving it for the rest of eternity.”
Awww. Nobody made my zombie heart flutter like my husband.
Tara West writes books about dragons, witches, and handsome heroes while eating chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. She's willing to share her dragons, witches and heroes. Keep your hands off her chocolate.
Tara West's young adult and new adult romances have been Kindle bestsellers. A former high school English teacher, Tara is now a full-time writer and graphic artist. She enjoys spending time with her family, interacting with her fans, and fishing the Texas coast.